Crumple that

As I settled into the idea...no I relished the idea of being single and available again, not in the "I am single and available so let's party!" sense. More like, "I am enjoying my peaceful solitude and I have room to mix in a really special person and a little romance." I had not quite expected him to come a long so soon, and in the form that he did. He came into my life and turned it all upside down. Even my beliefs about my own plans for my future were being stirred. Then just as suddenly as this terriffic, hysterical, wonderful pandemonium hit me, he was gone. The first thing I did was deny it. I was in a deep denial. But when I found myself listening to all my saved messages from him (and trust me there were many) and crying because I knew that I would never hear one like that from him again, was when I first realized that I was in this one way too deep. I knew I was just going to have to tough it out. Especially since he really just stopped seeing me altogether. He called me once or twice, after I called him. He never showed any interest in even being my friend anymoe. And that really gets me. I don't have a clue what I did that was so horrible, and he won't open up to tell me. So I just have to let it go. What have I learned from this? I can't really say with any clarity what I have learned if anything exactly. Only that what I do know is that I am back to square one. It is a lonely place to be after you have almost seen the light of daybreak on a new love, or relationship or whatever you want to label it. Luckily I have learned from most of my past failures that you have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. And then you limp off into the sunset. And so I shall. It begins again. I, Catarina Noire, am about to find the man I want. I, Catarina Noire, deserve all the love I am entitled to, and I will find it soon. I, Catarina Noire, am about to have a wonderful loving relationship with a man who really loves me as much as I love him.