The weekend was a long and uneventful one. I forced myself to do some cleaning because my little apartment really needed it. But I always get stuck when it comes to doing the dishes. Oh I just hate doing them. It is the single most disgusting task in the entire place! I suppose if I didn' t let the dishes just sit there...for days...maybe...they wouldn't get moldy? I don't know what has come over me lately, but, I just don't try keeping my kitchen clean anymore. Ever since the holidays started, I have been overly emotional and flighty around people. At home I am lethargic and weepy. Also, I guess the fact that my apartment and bed are still empty when I come home have been getting me rather down lately. T1 in training e mailed me today. I should be really excited, and a part of me is warm and fuzzy on the inside, the other part of me is wanting me to yell out at him " What the hell are you doing you freaking moron? This woman is beautiful and bright and wants you! Yes YOU! Jump on it before she realizes what a jackass you have been!!!" And now I am starting to realize what a jackass he HAS been. Okay maybe that is too stong a word. And it doesn't change the fact that I still think he is God potential! Damn he makes me want him though. This was our IM conversation today. Keep in mind I am trying to keep myself in check! And then I just get really hot thinking about him. T1 (11:04:47 AM): hi goddess (1:24:59 PM): Hi T1 (1:25:43 PM): happy new years goddess (1:26:11 PM): Thanks goddess (1:26:14 PM): again goddess (1:26:44 PM): It's cold here T1 (1:27:32 PM): wed it will be 11 here...brrr T1 (1:27:39 PM): come keep me warm goddess (1:30:08 PM): Woooh! that IS cold! I don't know if I should...aren't you tired of having company goddess (1:33:51 PM): Which reminds me...how was YOUR weekend? T1 (1:41:10 PM): yes, very cold T1 (1:41:32 PM): my company is leaving on wed morning very early goddess (1:44:41 PM): So when do you think you will be calling me? T1 (1:45:05 PM): wed night!!! goddess (1:45:54 PM): It's about time!!! goddess (1:46:28 PM): I still don't really understand why you couldn't call the enitre time they were there goddess (1:55:19 PM): I guess we can talk about that on the phone T1 (1:55:32 PM): ok goddess (1:57:33 PM): So tell me what you are wearing today T1 (1:59:55 PM): im wearing jeans and black shirt. black belt and shoes. T1 (1:59:57 PM): and u goddess (2:00:44 PM): Damn! I bet you look sexy as hell! T1 (2:00:54 PM): (winking smiley) T1 (2:01:00 PM): wish u could see T1 (2:01:04 PM): and u goddess (2:01:05 PM): wish I could too goddess (2:01:46 PM): White turtleneck, fitted grey slacks, black heels T1 (2:02:06 PM): mmmm T1 (2:02:08 PM): and T1 (2:02:10 PM): lol goddess (2:02:11 PM): and lots of nude colored lip gloss! goddess (2:02:21 PM): and goddess (2:02:30 PM): White lacey bra,white satin panties,g string of course goddess (2:03:56 PM): u there? T1 (2:08:59 PM): mmmm, i like a lot T1 (2:09:00 PM): xoxox goddess (2:09:53 PM): Yeah? goddess (2:09:57 PM): good goddess (2:12:27 PM): Just imagine...if I was thre right now, I would be straddling you, kissing you, riding you in nothing but my bra and panties goddess (2:12:55 PM): does that excite you? T1 (2:14:51 PM): oh yes it does....totally wish i was there babe goddess (2:15:00 PM): mmm goddess (2:15:05 PM): me too goddess (2:15:36 PM): will you do something for me? T1 (2:16:02 PM): yes goddess (2:16:08 PM): is there anyone around T1 (2:16:25 PM): yes, but what do u want goddess (2:17:12 PM): Oh, well I wanted you to stroke yourself one time and imagine my hand...but, I don't think you can do that with people around goddess (2:17:27 PM): lol T1 (2:17:41 PM): i wish but cant babe goddess (2:17:53 PM): hmmm, oh well T1 (2:18:06 PM): please hold goddess (2:18:14 PM): I have to go to lunch now T1 (2:18:21 PM): bye xoxo goddess (2:18:26 PM): bye Lunch break which consisted of stir fried green beans, rainbow vegetables with tofu, sliced fresh tomatos,(or is it tomatoes) vegetable egg roll, and a small piece of grilled salmon. I am soooo proud of myself because even if I do go to a chinese buffet I can't really eat a whole lot because I get full really fast. I tried to eat that second helping but felt too full. Trust me that is a major accomplishment. Five years ago I would've gone up for fourths before I started to feel guilt...not even fullness, or even remotely satisfied. I have really come a long way since then. Consequently at the chinese restaurant there are these cute little place settings that have the Chinese Zodiac on them, I am sure that all chinese restaurants have them, and I noticed that if T1 was indeed born in 1965 that would make him a Snake on the Zodiac, and I have been waiting for my Snake for a long time, because it says that I am the Rooster. Or as the placemat says the Cock. Which means we are ideal for each other!!! Okay, I won't really know that until we actually meet in person, but I have a very strong feeling that we are. And when we end up together and one of us moves, and we get married, and our child is driving us crazy, I will still be blogging it all, so I bet I am going to have to eat my words because that is how my luck usually runs. Although my fortune cookie said that my luck had just changed! goddess (3:36:38 PM): back T1 (3:36:48 PM): hi there goddess (3:36:56 PM): hi goddess (3:38:07 PM): Were you born in 1965? T1 (3:39:20 PM): yeah T1 (3:40:49 PM): i must go. bye goddess (3:43:05 PM): K goddess (3:43:06 PM): bye... goddess (3:43:29 PM): This sucks T1 (3:43:39 PM): what goddess (3:44:22 PM): I' m just sad because I never get to talk to you goddess (3:44:31 PM): I know you have to go T1 (3:44:38 PM): can i call u now goddess (3:44:42 PM): we will talk sometime soon goddess (3:44:47 PM): yeah He then called me. And I wondered why he didn't just do that sooner. It really made me feel better, and worse all at the same time. I actually cried until I heard his voice, and then I felt kind of ashamed that I had to tell him in order for him to call me. I suppose if I had told him sooner then he would have called me sooner. And he said "Goddess? Hi, how are you?" I said "Okay" of course I wasn't. He said " I will be calling you soon." I said Okay, and he then talked to me for a few minutes...I needed to hear him. He made me laugh and then he kept trying to make me laugh, which made me feel better because then I knew that he didn't want me to be sad. And that counts for alot, well it does to me, anyway. We talked about Christmas, we talked about him coming to Texas, with me as his personal tour guide, of course. I have been planning it since we first talked of it in November. He originally wanted me to go there. And I must admit, I have always wanted to go North or East or Northeast in the winter just to get a taste of it...I used to dream that I would live somewhere where it snows, where a White Christmas really happens. Where snuggling is allowed and most welcome on a cold winter night. Where people make snowmen, and snowangels are found. Where my soulmate and I are happy just to sit in front of the fireplace and hold each other. It sounds like home to me. It always has. But I grew up in Texas. Where you never know what kind of weather to expect from one day to the next. It can get so hot here that dry grass will catch fire driving many creatures from their homes, ruining miles of trees, land and houses. Or it will just rain and rain until the water rises in our streets so fast that SUV's, with people in them get wisked away. Or you could find yourself standing in your closet, with a mattress and all your pillows and blankets over you waiting for the weatherman to tell you if that tornado has moved along, wondering if yours is going to be the next home that gets demolished. That is the home that I know. One noteworthy event today: Removed Colorado puppydog from my messenger list, thus removing him from my life! Apparantly I am not dumb enough or weak minded enough to succumb to his constant badgering, and amateur brainwashing. I just hate it when someone poses as a friend, just to continually keep trying to get you to agree with their way of thinking. I suppose he had grande delusions of me all of a sudden changing my mind and putting myself in a situation that I previously stated would never happen. I told him never....I meant never! Clearly he never heard me say "Never!" I also hate it when people dont listen! So goodbye to you Colorado puppydog. Here is my farewell: Billy Bob Thornton you most certainly are not but I thought we could still be friends. The effort was futile I now realize and must put this to an end. I will never ask you to buy me all those things you wanted to buy. I will never let you wear my undies or act like you are not a guy. I will never let you put me through school because I know that to repay, I would have to promise to lock up your privates so that you won't masturbate. I will never have you assist someone else who is making love to me, or make you do my dishes, clean my car or do my laundry. I hope you can read this, I hope it is clear and when you stop being a psycho-stenographer. Maybe you will realize what you actually are is a sexually decrepit, emotionally feeble, homo-phobic pornographer. Back to the brighter side of things. My girlfriend who lives in Houston now, is in town for a few days! We are going to get together soon! She is a blast. Plus she is alot like me almost exactly except she is blonde has larger breasts, blue eyes and is younger. We had so much fun on that road trip to New Orleans! Maybe it's time for another one! Goodnight Goddesses. Good night future Gods of our choosing. Sleep well...I know I am going to tonight. I will be dreaming of T1, and will feel his arms around me in that lucid state between dream and wakefulness, when I know we are really connected. And he is dreaming it too because I wished it so. Sweet dreams my love.