So much has happened since the last time I posted. Let's see...one Saturday morning, (I like sex in the morning) I am gazing into his eyes we smile at each other he reaches up, wraps his hand around my waist and tells me how beautiful I am. I feel a surge of electricity course through my body and he says"I love you." I say "I love you too." and lean down to kiss his lips. In the middle of our love making I checked to make sure the protection was still in place, it was. We continued and climaxed. In the afterglow I, reach down to remove him from me with the protection in place...it was not there. I found it...pulled it out...and we were both shellshocked... the casing, so to speak, was empty! The rest of the day was pure hell that I hope I never have to go through again. After much discussion and coercing from him along with information that he pulled up on the web I agreed to emergency contraception. Only because if you are already pregnant it doesn't kill the fetus. The way it works is you take these pills (hormones) and they keep you from ovulating, so there is nothing there for the sperm to fertilize. The information says you have 72 hours from the time of unprotected intercourse in which to use this form of contraception, so I just wanted to do it Monday morning at my doctors office. It was like he was a man possessed! He insisted that we do this today...now...this minute! It was that insistance that brought so many other issues to mind that I couldn't even look at him without feeling sick to my stomach. But I didn't want to ruin his life. I was no tready for this either, but I am willing to pay the consequences of my actons. I don't want him to be a disappointment to his family. I eventually agree to it. So I go to the emergency clinic on a Saturday, when I should be laying out in the sun, or shopping, or just watching movies and I see the doctor. She precribes Plan B. Progestin...hormones...the very reason I use condoms instead of birth control pills! I the vegetarian, who doesn't drink caffeine, preservatives do not go into my body, rpocessed food makes me feel wierd, and I dont believe in taking medicine even for a headache, have to put hormones into my system. My system is not used to me putting these things into it, and consequently I became very ill, in all the ways imaginable...including emotionally. On top of the abdominal pain, nausea, bleeding and other side effects I became depressed and couldn't stay awake. The doctor also prescribed a very low dose of birth control because my body cannot tolerate medicines, but we didn't want to take the chance that the condoms would fail again. Guess what. It made me sicker and moodier and even more depressed. Well the next thing I know my perfect boyfriend is breaking up with with me because I asked him one too many questions... and he said I have trust issues and it was just all getting out of hand! He would rather breeak up with me now than loose my friendship forever. This from the guy who expected me to make it work even if he moves to the one place that I never want to see again, Eagle Pass! This fromt he guy who said we can make this work, who convinced me that we will make it no matter what, not to mention that I stuck by him even with the fear of Hepatitis C and HIV looming over our heads...sounds like I am not the only one with issues in this relationship. I would say it is my right as a girlfriend, and someone who has been burned one too many times by those really sweet seeming guys in the past, to ask a few questions every now and again. Asking is not the same a accusing, I mean how am I to know the truth if I don't ask? Of course I blew up at him when I heard his lame excuse. After a couple of days I cooled off enough to have a meaningful conversation with him about it. I mean he really hasn't had too many girlfriends in the past and maybe he doesn't realize that you have to really work at a relationship, and that anything worth having is worth fighting for so it wont come easy. I think this time it was a bit more productive than "You f**king wimp...I see you got what you wanted from me and now that we know I couldn't have gotten pregnant you'll just be on your merry way! God you make me sick!!!" He agreed to sleep on it, and now wants to work on it. But now I am left with this feeling of being even more alone than I thought I was and I just don't know if I can trust him to not give up on me, because in the end, all I want is my man to fight for me...and show me that I am truly worth the pain that we inevitably have to endure to get through the walls that we all put up to protect ourselves. So we try to work it out. We go to San Antonio to watch a college play that my sister is in. She was great, as always. Afterwards we went over to her house and he also met her husband. We really didn't stay too long because we had to drive back to Austin, and it was getting late, we didn't really get to visit long enough for him to make too much of an impression. He was quiet, reserved, but stayed in the conversation. All I know is, if my family had any idea what he had just put me through in the last week, I guarantee my brother in law would be trying to teach him a lesson. Not to mention my sister would have let him have it worse than I ever have...I imagine my mother wouldv'e been 100 times more caustic than any of us. This is the same woman who came to the dealership and bought a car from the guy I used to date (who really played with my emotions and managed to still smile in my face after cheating on me) insisting on the best deal possible and got it, then, as I was completely unaware went to "have a word with him" which consequently I still have no clue what she said to him but, can imagine very cold calculated tones threatening some terrible horror to his otherwise pristine "manhood", which caused this otherwise cool, suave, "player" to become completely red in the face, and has never to this day spoken ill of, or been anything but self effacing and gentile to me or my mother. In fact he still calls me once a year to do lunch and "catch up". I cringe to think what my dad would do. No Martin is lucky that I believe, for the moment anyway, that our business doesn't need to be broadcast to my entire family. And that I don't call my mom crying whenever we have problems. No, I would much rather scream it out online, in this anonymous format, after all, I could be anyone. Again, this is not the point. On with the story, My family thinks he is a nice guy , since I have said a lot of good things about him they have no reason to thinks oterwise thus far. But I most certainly am not taking anything in this relationship for granted. He came over last night and said and did all the right things. So for now, it seems everything is back to normal. But, I don't know if normal ever really was normal to begin with. I suppose I will just take it one day at a time, and never let anything he does bring me down again, because if it's one thing I have learned from this especially after last night...he is damned lucky that I will have him...and he knows it.