An imperfect circle

Grey has a broken heart, just like mine. Like a circle of some kind, Grey told me today about what he has been going through with "her". And just like I have wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him and say "Look at me and what you are throwing away!!!" He probably wants to do that to her too. He loves her still. Furthermore, he is not over her yet. What is really sad is that by the time he is he will be miles and miles away before he realizes that our chance has come and gone. So I guess it is over. Although I finally felt like in a way the Grey I used to know was coming around again, it sounded like he was trying to help me get over him by telling me some part of the story that I have waited all this time to hear. It literally broke my heart because what he said is almost exactly what I have been going through all this time. I held my mouth as I tried to keep the crying sounds inside when he described how he hasn't been able to get a word out of her. He has to harass her to get any little crumb of an answer at all. And she can't really give him a good enough answer. She wants him to go away. He feels like she hates him, like they are enemies. He couldn't sleep, eat, even get out of bed. I said nothing but thought "He has been feeling all of that because of her, and I have been feeling all of that because of him, Martin has been feeling it because of me, even Martin's ex has been feeling it because of him! It just gets passed on and on and on. No one is ever happy with what is in front of them. However, we all want something we cannot have. We are repeatedly told no, and it just pushes us that much harder. I have not yet figured out why he even came to me, and then let me go. It must have been her. I was to him what he is to her now, not enough. So I lack something, in his eyes that he will never tell me. He says he is motivated by affection, I gave him all of mine, it obviously was not enough. I was not enough! I will probably never know why, so I must let him go now. Just writing this is heart wrenching. There is too much pain in this act of letting him go. My tears flow freely. I ache, now with the knowledge that I never could before see, I pray to all that is good and right in the world let me get over it soon. He will not love me, and what hurts more than any words can say is that I fear I will never be loved the way that I love.